Thursday, April 14, 2011

Today, I'm talkin about....

King of the Castle

Yesterday someone posted a video showing a black couple talking about how the Black woman has a hard time submitting to her husband. HA! Black women don't want to always be in charge of everything, it's just what we HAVE to do!

I've heard Black men complain about Black women and how we don't know how to be with a good man, or be soft and affectionate, that we don't do for our men what white women do for them. HA!

There are many reasons why SOME Black women have these issues. In my opinion, most of the blame belongs to Daddy! SOME Black fathers have left homes, leaving their children to be raised by one parent. SOME Black fathers have a hard time staying with just one woman. SOME Black fathers aren't getting the education that black women are getting. SOME Black fathers are demanding without offering. SOME Black fathers are looking to be taken care of and because there is one black man for every five black women, black women have bent over backwards (sometimes literally) to keep her man and will take care of him to (try) hold on to him.

When little girls are born to these deadbeat men, who've used the girl's mother for sex, or a place to sleep, or a place to get a meal, the little girl isn't shown what to look for in a good man. I believe she tries her best to find a man who will love her. But what if Daddy is slapping Momma around because she wanted to know where he was til 4 a.m.?  Women are usually drawn to men who remind them of Daddy, so......
Picture these little girls whose fathers have never shown interest in her, and he comes and goes when it's convenient for him, he never keeps his word and has never taken care of her! Compare that little girl to a little girl whose father is outside playing catch with his daughter, who picks her up and shows love to her like she's the most precious princess he's ever seen, (along with her mother and his own mother) a father who goes to parent-teacher conferences to see, for themselves, just how smart his daughter is. Momma doesn't have to worry because Daddy will do whatever it takes to make sure his family is secure, working with Momma and showing their children what two parents can accomplish together.

But that's not what a lot of young black girls, these days, have as fathers. Daddy isn't there to tell her she's a princess and is deserving of a prince. Daddy isn't there to tell his daughter how beautiful she is to him and that she should only want a man who sees this same beauty in her. Daddy doesn't beam with pride when she brings home a good report card. Daddy could care less what clothes his daughter is wearing to school. Daddy doesn't tell her to ignore a boy who puts her down and is mean to her because little dude thinks little lady is ugly. 

Now, I'm not saying all black men! I'm not saying all black women! I'm not saying this doesn't apply to white families! I'm only addressing our black community right now, because single-parent homes, in the black community, outnumber two-parent homes. We have black men who have 3  and 4 children by 2,  3, and 4 women and vice versa. We have black male public figures, who put black women down because the black woman didn't "keep her legs closed". I've heard the most intelligent black man putting down black women because she isn't soft and quiet. Black men who were raised by black women and grow up to hate black women and only wants a white woman because THEY know how to submit (very sarcastic tone, right there). How is the black girl/woman suppose to deal with all of this, all by herself? 

We HAVE to be tough, we have to know how to take care of business, we have to make sure we have enough education to assimilate into a white work environment. We have to be tough so that when our hearts are broken, (by some idiot who isn't satisfied with just one woman) we can still keep going. We have to deal with men who take advantage of us in public, all by ourselves, without the protection of a man who will be there to make us KNOW we are safe. We CANNOT show any weakness. 

When black women are looking for love, and all we get is hurt, girlfriend has to toughen up so that it doesn't happen again (even though no matter what we do or how tough we are, it happens again). We have offered ourselves to these men because love is in short supply. So if we can feel good and/or loved, for 3 1/2 minutes, we'll take that instead of having nothing at all. 

It is up to the single black mother to raise her sons by herself and we better do a damn good job at it so our sons grow up to be men who will NOT abandon his family. It is up to the single black mother to realize that when you have a young black son, you CAN NOT have your son around just any man. If a man(you're interested in) isn't going to marry you, DO NOT introduce him to your son. IF A MAN (you're interested in) ISN'T GOING TO MARRY YOU, (or commit to you) DO NOT INTRODUCE HIM TO YOUR SON. Don't put your son in the position where he has to protect you from some man who is going to abuse you. Be your son's cheerleader. Be your son's example of what a good black woman is. Remind your son that he should provide for his self and not look for a woman to provide for him. 

Black single mothers NEED to stop hangin out when their child has to go to school the next day. Ain't nothing wrong with chillin or enjoyin your life, but THINK and ask yourself, is it an appropriate time to be chillin or are you putting your party time before your children? Black women have been raising sons, by ourselves, since slavery. The only time black families really flourished and grew was from right after slavery to the 1950's. The 1920's was the last time blacks were equal to whites, in graduating from school. 

What happened to the black man who would do anything for his black woman? The black man who worked 3 jobs to make sure their children were fed and had a roof over their heads, where are they? Where are the black men who took the families to church on Sunday and read the Bible with their children? Did we leave them all in the 50's? 

My daughter doesn't know either of my fathers by name (long story, but I do have two fathers, one is biological and the other adopted me and gave me his name, but neither of them know anything about me). My daughter has seen her own father 6 or 7 (she says 4 or 5) times in her life. She asked me the other day "how could he (her dad) love her if he doesn't even know her?"My daughter's role models for a man has been her big brother, who is 9 years older than she is, and my little brother, who was 16 when she was born. Both are more dependable than either of our fathers. Her big brother has gone to her concerts, or gone to school to talk to her teachers, her big brother has gotten on her for talking back to me. Her uncle has told her to go change her clothes because her jeans were too tight. 
Even though it may sound like it, I have not lost hope in black men. I am confident that my son will know what his daughter's favorite color is; I know my son will be at all of his son's baseball games and parent-teacher conferences. I hope that because my son has been the man who has loved my daughter the most, she will not only look for a man like him, but she will love herself enough to look for a man who is her prince and treats her like a princess. 

So black men, you want us to submit to you? You want us to treat you like the king of the castle? Then you better know how to take care of a palace and the people in your kingdom.

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