Friday, August 5, 2011

Today, I'm talkin about....

Baby Daddy

A child should know that no matter what happens in this world, they can count on daddy just as much as they can count on mommy, for love and security. 

A lot of children’s reality doesn’t match up with that statement. A lot of children are raised with a mother, who is the only source of security for a child. It is my belief that children need to be told the truth about their father. I think the worst statement mothers can say to their children, who have a real deadbeat daddy, is “he just doesn’t know how to love” or “he’s your father, you still have to respect him.” BULL SHIT!!!!!

Sure the Bible says to honor your mother and your father. But I think that was written before men thought it was okay to leave their children without the security of having a father. I believe that was written to the people who dealt with midnight feedings, scraped knees, a first-time broken heart.  Those parents who did whatever was necessary to make sure their child had food to eat and a warm home. As bad and mean as some parents are, if they were there to make sure the child has those things, then those are the parents who deserve the respect. Parents are people and make mistakes too. But if a parent doesn’t care whether or not their child has a pair of shoes to wear to school, or any of that other “parenting stuff", those parents can kick rocks, with jagged edges, barefoot!

A little girl, whose father denied her from birth, even though she looked just like him, deserved to be loved. But her father didn’t care when she lay in a hospital near death, and never allowed her to feel the security of having a strong and loving father. 

When this little girl was three, her daddy came for a rare visit, (he walked right by her, not recognizing her) he took her and her mom out to eat and they were to go shopping for a bike and clothes after dinner. Her mom found out, during this dinner, that the daddy had gotten married and the mom didn’t want to be involved with a married man. So she told him “no” and “he would have to stay with other relatives instead of with her at her house.” 

After that dinner, the mom drove the dad and the little girl to the store to buy the little girl a bike. They couldn’t find one for her at two stores, and since it was getting late, the daddy said they’d go shopping the next day, to buy her a bike and much needed clothes.  When they were back at the mom’s house the mom asked the dad if he needed a ride to his relative’s house or if he was going to call for a ride. The dad couldn’t believe the mother wasn’t going to allow him to stay and sleep with his “baby’s mom”. He got his ride, he kissed his little precious daughter good night and he told her he’d see her the next day and he’d be there before momma went to work. 

The next morning comes around and it’s time for the momma to go to work, no daddy! The momma calls the dad’s phone and he doesn’t answer. Momma calls in to work and explains why she’s going to be late (momma had a very good job whose supervisor understood what she was going through). The little girl is so excited, she picks out her prettiest dress to wear and didn’t even fuss when momma did her hair. So momma waits and waits and after a couple of hours, momma really has to leave and go to work. The little girl didn’t want momma to leave yet and she got mad when momma had to take her to her grandma’s so she could go to work. The little girl starts to cry and begs momma to wait longer, but momma has to get to work. Sitting in her car seat, the little girl is crying, kicking the back of her mother’s seat. 

After her mother had been at work for a few hours, and still no call from the little girl’s daddy, she calls to check on her daughter and the grandmother says the little girl finally cried herself to sleep. The mother tries to concentrate on deadlines and phone calls from the public, while worrying about her little three-year old daughter’s heartbreak. When work is over, the mother rushed to pick the little girl up and when she walked into the grandmother's house, she could hear the little girl crying. Grandmother told the mom, “she woke up crying.” Momma’s heart sank even lower. 

On the way home, the little girl is still crying, but it’s a hoarse, almost silent cry, but the tears were still falling. At home, the little girl runs straight to her big brother for him to hold her. The look that she gave her mother, her mother realized that the little girl still blamed her for not waiting for daddy to come. Momma cried quietly while cooking dinner, remembering what everyone always says about not talking bad about the baby’s father. And hating herself for ever being with a man who could care less for her or her daughter. 

At bedtime, the little girl could only get to sleep with her big brother holding her. Her little body shook with sobs while she was sleeping. Her mother decided to go to the relative’s house to see what had happened to the father and to let him know just how much he hurt his little girl. When the mother pulls up to the relative’s house, there was the daddy. He was standing there with four or five other guys, watching (yeah, really just watching) someone else wax their car. The momma asks him what happened to him coming to get his daughter while momma was at work. He had an excuse….he had overslept. When the mother starts to tell him how hurt his daughter was, the daddy starts to cuss at the mother telling her to leave him alone. 

That little girl didn’t see her father again for five years. He would call sometimes and tell her he was going to send some money and of course, it never came. He’d call and tell her he was coming to see her, and when he didn’t make it, he didn’t call again for a long time. When he did call again, he was hoping the little girl had forgotten that he’d hurt her the last time they talked. 

But by the time the little girl was 5 or 6, she knew not to believe anything her daddy said and she knew that she couldn’t count on him for anything.  She didn't get that bike until she was almost 10 years old.

Her momma has been honest with her and told her that her daddy treated the little girl like that because he didn’t like the momma anymore. That it wasn’t her fault that her daddy was an idiot, it was momma’s fault for ever being with a man who could be compared with the scum of the earth, a man who could pretend the little girl didn’t exist because he hated the mother so much because the mother no longer allowed him to walk over her. 

Children need to be told the truth or they will grow up thinking there’s something wrong with them, or accepting daddy (or some other man in her future) to let her down whenever he felt like it. 

Be truthful and if the truth is that daddy could care less because he's an immature man/boy, that takes the blame off of the momma and the child. The child knows that momma loves her unconditionally.